~ How to Save Your Marriage On Your Own ~
Find out how to Save your Marriage and Learn How to Save Your Marriage On Your Own!
One of the most common questions spouses ask when confronting a marriage crisis is this:
So how can I save my marriage if my partner does not want to help find a solution? Furthermore, how do I succeed when I am trying to Save My Marriage on my own?
Since this is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One partner remains ‘in love’, the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart. The one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage ALONE.
First of All, considering there are two people contributing to the overall health and well being of a marriage. Both of you should be present to actually try and save it? Or, worse, when it is his, her, their fault so should he, she, they be the ones to make amends? Since you are just the victim here, after all!
Since you want to save your marriage, you may find yourself alone in this desire. Waiting for the other spouse to make the first move is the beginning of the end. Do not look for someone to blame. Or someone else to put the emotional and physical work into saving the marriage. If you do, your marriage will fail.
So the belief that the responsibility lies with the other person is a self-defeating attitude. It propagates the belief that there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to save your marriage. That you should stand and watch what comes your way.
First of all, there is still something you CAN DO. Even in your loneliness and solitude, you CAN save your marriage.
How? Let it begin first by examining what it means to be on your own.
In addition, as human beings, we hate being alone. It is part of our genetic make up to be social creatures. Also, we develop connections with others, whether through friendships or romantic interest. The nature of how we interact with people is a fundamental aspect of personal and emotional development.
The paradox is that as we grow older in the love, trust, companionship and support of our significant others. We therefore, develop an internal strength of self that makes us whole, happy human beings. A mature person should have developed a strong sense of self-awareness, confidence and self-esteem as he or she reaches adulthood. These become the windows with which we view the world, flaws and all. These make up part of our personal shelter amidst challenges and difficulties. This is called SELF-ACTUALIZATION.
However, many of us enter into adult life without even being aware of this beautiful, human truth. We may have experienced abandonment in our childhood. Or been disappointed by our romantic relationships. Whatever it is, caused to shift from proper mature development. You may have fears of abandonment and the inability to see that we can stand on our own two feet.
Many of us enter relationships and marriages with the hope, plan and dream that we would never be alone. We invest so much in our partners and loved ones. And therefore, we focus our entire beings on them and relying on them to make us happy and secure. Unfortunately, this perspective carries with it its own poison. Subconsciously, we project the responsibility of our life happiness on the other person. By eloquently sidestepping taking responsibility for our own life happiness and destiny.
Problems develop when a partner indicates some form of dissatisfaction with the relationship. The expectations unwittingly placed upon them, and when they do so, we panic. So when our partner leaves, our fears kick in. When something goes wrong, it is very easy for us to place the blame of the other person for having made us unhappy.
Find out how to save your marriage when you are the only one doing it? The key then is a paradigm shift. The key is to change your attitude and focus. Therefore, stop focusing on your partner – stop the blaming, stop the inaction.
Take a good look at yourself and what you can do in this moment. You can definitely NOT control your partner’s feelings, attitude and reactions. But you can control your own. As a result, you can go from fearing abandonment to actually taking responsibility for yourself and your own happiness.
This is finally where the human truth about self-actualization comes in. Understand, adapt and internalize this for yourself. Learn it. It will spell the difference not just in your marriage but in YOU.
Most importantly,a whole human being is easy to love. And, a happy person attracts happiness. In starting with yourself! You can move from being an unhappy, clingy and difficult person. And start providing an environment of safety, wisdom, trust and open communication. Learn to self-sustain when it comes to taking responsibility for your own life happiness. You both will have much less baggage and much more genuine love to bring into the relationship. Your motivation shifts from being one of fear to being one of real love.
So therefore, rather than beating yourself up in desperation, try these tips to start your own personal transformation and lead your marriage to success:
– Let go
– Believe that re-connection is possible
– See a counselor for YOURSELF not just for your marriage
– Examine your part in contributing to the difficulties in your marriage
– Forgive yourself
– Look after your health, beauty and well-being
You both may just rediscover the person they first fell in love with and more. For all you know, this is the type of you that would allow your partner to come back and initiate communication. When that happens, you have every opportunity to sit down with him or her to discuss your motivations, plans and feelings. You can even get to the real issues surrounding your marital difficulties. And actually begin taking positive steps to work them through.
Therefore, in being open and mature, you can also provide an environment where love and intimacy can flourish once more. With all the confidence and sincerity you have gathered, take these steps. Plus one more. Even in your separation, conflict or difficulties, find it in you to continue loving your partner. Showing him or her that you do. Through little, subtle acts, like preparing a snack for him or her or spending some quality TV time, you can rekindle love in your marriage. They do not have to be grand gestures, they just have to be sincere. And coming from the mature, new you, they will.
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