Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal
Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal & Renewal
” poignancy but triumphantly. ”
– Glamour “a lyrical, haunting, thrilling & totally memories.” forced
– Redbook “A dark, atmospheric memoirs of a woman into come with the death of her husband & the revelation of his infidelity.”
– Shelf Awareness “A fascinating memories.”
– People “A delightful summer read.”
– USA Today “brings a refreshing openness into a surprising & painful history.”
– New York Times “A fascinating memories.”
– Real Simple “… moving lyrical prose.”
– Working Mother “Metz’s Perfection chronicles with lapidary precision of a woman climb back into happiness, never only after the death of a spouse, but also the shocking realization that her life before, that death is never what
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Review by Ashley Lee for Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal
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Whew, what is there to say about this memoir? It drained my emotions several times, and I mean that in a good way. Ms. Metz poured her heart out here, and it was hardly for naught.
Julie Metz is in her office when she hears a heavy thud. Continuing her work, she doesn’t think much of it. Then all of a sudden, her mind rewinds and she itemizes all of the things it wasn’t. She runs into the kitchen and finds her husband Henry on the floor. She calls 911 and breathes into him, but he cannot be saved. Over the course of the next few days, her house becomes a parking lot for friends and family to aid her and her 7 year old daughter Liza. She hears a woman in Henry’s office shriek shrilly but doesn’t think much of it, as immersed in her grief as she is. Yet it comes back to her later. Going through the motions of returning to her schedule for her daughter’s sake, Julie can’t eat, she isn’t sleeping well and she’s being visited by Henry’s spirit.
Six months later, a friend of both Julie and Henry tells her that Henry was unfaithful. This revelation understandably cuts to the core, but it’s just the tip of the iceberg. There wasn’t one liaison, there were several. As there were several women. When Julie finds out just how close to home his betrayals came, her bite is sharp. As she digs through the evidence of infidelities of the man she thought she knew and gave herself wholly to, there is much fury, pain, and most surprisingly, a curiosity that seeks to understand and almost forgive him these slaps in the face from him. It’s almost like she stepped out of the pain and hurt she felt to try to understand a reason for this need of his and forgive, in such a way that shows how lucky he was to have her and what a mistake he made in seeking solace and comfort elsewhere.
The third section of the book shows Julie trying to pick up and put back together the pieces of her life, delving into dating again. The shock of the new way of dating (ahem: Match.com) is shocking to her as she met Henry in 1986, and was married to him until 2003. The trials and tribulations of her dating explorations are something many of us may have felt if we’ve ever gone the path of words and email before an official meeting.
The memoir is heavy, no doubt about that. There won’t be many laughs reading it, but there’s not a bitter tinge to it you might expect from a topic like this. You root for her because she’s genuinely likable and honest about herself, her shortcomings and flaws, and her better attributes. Ms. Metz was not throwing herself a pity party in writing her tale. I can only imagine and hope this was a cathartic therapy session for Ms. Metz
Review by Frodo Gamgee for Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal
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Anyone who has ever had their heart broken over a spouse’s extramarital affair must read this book. You think you had it bad? Julie Metz couldn’t even confront her husband about his affairs, because she didn’t find out about them until six months after he passed away in front of her eyes. She eschews the normal internal struggle to find a sense of closure and instead makes the process external, by tracking down each of the women he had been carrying on with in order to confront them. The resulting story is a heart-wrenching but beautifully told journey into a second phase of life that everyone should be lucky enough to find.
Review by Tammy Nelson for Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal
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Reading “Perfection; A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal” made me realize how many of us walk through our suburban streets totally unaware of what goes on behind the manicured hedges of our neighbors. Metz’s memoir is a transparent peek inside one perfect neighbor’s window. But a real neighbor. A real woman. A real family. Her book is an easy to read, hard to put down story of the experience of love, betrayal, and the ultimate re-examination of everything she thought she wanted. I couldnt put the book down as I followed her through her discovery process, not only of her husband’s hidden past but also of her own desires.
As a psychotherapist specializing in relationships, I think this book is a realistic and well written account of what happens when infidelity cracks open everything one thinks is real. Buy the book today!
Review by All-access Customer for Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal
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I bought Julie Metz’s “Perfection” expecting to be appalled on her behalf. Instead, I found myself appalled by her.
I cannot believe that Ms. Metz would dedicate a book detailing every failing of her late husband and their complete sexual histories to their daughter. Ms. Metz, I assure you that you daughter does not want or need to know that you “creamed” your panties on your wedding day.
What I found equally appalling was the fact that her daughter played such a peripheral role in the book, much of which focused on Ms. Metz’s love life. While it could be that she was more concerned with her daughter’s adjustment after the loss of her father than this book would indicate, I cannot help but believe that both Ms. Metz’s actions and her retelling reflect her warped sense of priorities. Were Ms. Metz not so concerned (I would say overly so) with receiving male attention, she might not have ended by married to and staying with an adulterous husband.
I was also uncomfortable with the fact that she had no problem publishing the diagnostic labels applied to her late husband and his mistress by his psychiatrist, but seemingly gave insufficient thought to how she contributed to the situation she found herself in and how she might prevent herself from getting into a similar situation in the future. As a sidenote, what kind of psychiatrist would release this type of information about her former patient (a likely ethical violation)? The same type, I suppose, who would feel comfortable applying a diagnostic label to someone (Cathy) she had never met and about whom she had only heard from her narcissistic patient.
I was also appalled that Ms. Metz chose to include (i.e., exploit) an anecdote in which her daughter grapples with mixed feelings (i.e., the fact that her father was sometimes mean and yelled at her) after her father’s death. I found it equally insensitive that Ms. Metz chose to include her husband’s psychiatrist’s theory that his mother’s behavior had led him to become a narcissist.
Finally, the second half of the book does not present a coherent, compelling story. While every interaction that Ms. Metz has with a male may have great significance for her, it does not for the reader.
For their daughter’s sake, I wish Ms. Metz and her husband had both worked harder in therapy.
Review by L. J. Moskowitz for Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal
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“You are a vengeful person.” Julie Metz receives these words from the husband of her dead husband’s mistress when she decides to openly discuss the affair. Indeed, “Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal” is at its best when Metz is seeking vengeance for the lie that was her marriage thanks to her husband’s constant infidelities. She doesn’t discover the affairs until six months after his death when it all unfolds and she begins to breakdown under the weight of it all.
The book is at its worst when Metz tries to convince the reader that she is better than being known simply as the widow of a cheat. She does this with such a bombastic tone that it was often off putting. We are to understand that she is an artist and she is from New York, not this boring suburb! She visits a former lover in Paris and peppers the text with french, failing to give the terms any context for those readers without a background in the language. She claims to have been duped by her husband, even though she reveals he wooed her while in a relationship with a friend.
It is these personal defenses that keeps “Perfection” from being perfect. When the memoir is full of raw emotion, it feels honest and makes for a very compelling read. If only Metz had understood what makes her story interesting isn’t her social resume, but the way she discovers and then copes with the infidelities.